Why only the French?
By Chip Tsao | published Dec 25, 2008
Furious about French President Nicolas Sarkozy’s meeting with the Dalai Lama during a trip to Poland, the Chinese mob on the internet have called for another boycott of the French supermarket Carrefour. Why are they only picking on the French? Many China-watchers were confused. The Chinese didn’t get this hysterical when Gordon Brown and Angela Merkel gave the Dalai Lama the red carpet treatment earlier this year, and no Chinese called for a boycott of British or German goods.
Some suggested that the French were asking for this because they have a reputation for buckling under Chinese pressure. Maybe, but not quite. Which British goods are sold in China? Obsolete TV shows like “Are You Being Served?” or David Attenborough’s documentaries on wildlife? No, neither do the Chinese quite get the weird sense of British humor, nor do they appreciate the beauty of the planet earth apart from wondering what deep-fried penguins and barbecued sea lions taste like.
The only British product widely on sale in China is the English language—something the Chinese find extremely difficult to boycott, because without it you can’t get a decent job at a multinational enterprise in a modern office tower in Pudong. And you can’t get a student visa to go to the US or Britain to study. The English language is a passport to big money and other bonuses, such as a marriage certificate (complete with green card) with a former street sweeper from San Francisco who washed up in Kathmandu as a backpacker with a marijuana habit, and ended up teaching English in a Wuhan college. You don’t boycott your own future.
And what about having a go at the Germans? No, you don’t boycott German products in China because German products in China mostly consist of Mercedes cars. Escorted by a police motorcade, running freely against traffic signals and with windows covered by black curtains, even a five-year-old Chinese kid with Down’s Syndrome from the rural province of Hunan knows how to recognize the private property of a communist party commissar VIP. As a patriotic Chinese citizen, you can’t call for a mass boycott of these products—shouting “Down with Angela Merkel, the imperialist bitch!”—without sending the pretty young model on the German-imported car (herself a mistress of the aforementioned commissar) into a state of shock.
So that leaves us with no choice but the poor French. French products are easy targets and very widespread, ranging from handbags, wines, and perfumes to supermarkets. The French have much to learn from the more cunning Brits. Concentrate on just one or two indispensable brands, such as BBC English-teaching VCDs or Durex condoms, which are essential to the one-child policy. If you boycott the latter, not only will you be an enemy of the state, but you will also be declaring war on all Western countries—who are already plenty worried about the size of the Chinatowns on their own soil.
Furious about French President Nicolas Sarkozy’s meeting with the Dalai Lama during a trip to Poland, the Chinese mob on the internet have called for another boycott of the French supermarket Carrefour. Why are they only picking on the French? Many China-watchers were confused. The Chinese didn’t get this hysterical when Gordon Brown and Angela Merkel gave the Dalai Lama the red carpet treatment earlier this year, and no Chinese called for a boycott of British or German goods.
Some suggested that the French were asking for this because they have a reputation for buckling under Chinese pressure. Maybe, but not quite. Which British goods are sold in China? Obsolete TV shows like “Are You Being Served?” or David Attenborough’s documentaries on wildlife? No, neither do the Chinese quite get the weird sense of British humor, nor do they appreciate the beauty of the planet earth apart from wondering what deep-fried penguins and barbecued sea lions taste like.
The only British product widely on sale in China is the English language—something the Chinese find extremely difficult to boycott, because without it you can’t get a decent job at a multinational enterprise in a modern office tower in Pudong. And you can’t get a student visa to go to the US or Britain to study. The English language is a passport to big money and other bonuses, such as a marriage certificate (complete with green card) with a former street sweeper from San Francisco who washed up in Kathmandu as a backpacker with a marijuana habit, and ended up teaching English in a Wuhan college. You don’t boycott your own future.
And what about having a go at the Germans? No, you don’t boycott German products in China because German products in China mostly consist of Mercedes cars. Escorted by a police motorcade, running freely against traffic signals and with windows covered by black curtains, even a five-year-old Chinese kid with Down’s Syndrome from the rural province of Hunan knows how to recognize the private property of a communist party commissar VIP. As a patriotic Chinese citizen, you can’t call for a mass boycott of these products—shouting “Down with Angela Merkel, the imperialist bitch!”—without sending the pretty young model on the German-imported car (herself a mistress of the aforementioned commissar) into a state of shock.
So that leaves us with no choice but the poor French. French products are easy targets and very widespread, ranging from handbags, wines, and perfumes to supermarkets. The French have much to learn from the more cunning Brits. Concentrate on just one or two indispensable brands, such as BBC English-teaching VCDs or Durex condoms, which are essential to the one-child policy. If you boycott the latter, not only will you be an enemy of the state, but you will also be declaring war on all Western countries—who are already plenty worried about the size of the Chinatowns on their own soil.
Labels: Politically Incorrect, 陶傑
posted by Gemini Saga at 12:00 AM
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